One of the biggest challenges most people face is learning how to care for themself. It requires a delicate balance between what often feels like polar opposites. I’ve spent a lifetime studying self-care. And I’ve come to the conclusion that good self-care is the single most important aspect of our health, period. The programming of self-sacrifice leads ultimately to health-destroying sentiments, such as guilt, resentment, anger, and other emotions linked to high levels of stress hormones. Self-sacrifice feels wrong to us on a soul level—our spirit gravitates naturally to joy and happiness. That’s why self-sacrifice ultimately makes us sick and keeps us stuck in dead-end situations.
How well we care for ourselves as adults is often determined in part by how well our mothers cared for us (and themselves). Ultimately, however, it’s our responsibility to learn how to optimally care for ourselves regardless of what happened (or didn’t) with our mothers. We refine this process throughout our entire lives.
The key is knowing in your heart that the best way you can care for others is by caring for yourself. I know this requires a paradigm shift for many of you! Despite what you’ve been brought up to believe, caring for oneself is not an example of a zero sum model—where your gain is someone else’s loss. Everyone benefits from someone who knows how to care for him or herself. Self-care sustains and enhances the health of all those around you. The flight attendants are right when they say: You have to secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others.
Your body is connected to a healing stream of energy (also known as chi, prana, light, Source, and God) that you can absorb at will. All you need to do is be aware of it and be open to receive it! This is the basis for the healing power of prayer. A particularly powerful way to absorb this healing energy simply involves sitting with your limbs uncrossed while listening to classical music and receiving a healing stream of energy. The practice, which is available to everyone, is associated with many well-documented physical and emotional healings from all over the world that cannot be explained by conventional medicine.
Treat yourself like an ideal mother would by talking to yourself in a wonderful, nurturing way and providing for yourself that which you wish you had received from your own mother. For example, say to yourself, “Darling, I see that you’re tired. Why don’t you lie down and take a nice nap. When you get up, we’ll have a nice cup of hot tea” or “I see that you need a break. How about a nice hot bath and a good book.” You get the picture.
Taking time for pleasure and fun decreases the stress hormones cortisol and adrenalin, which, over time, are responsible for heart disease, cancer, and most chronic diseases such as arthritis and high blood pressure. Plus when you take time for enjoyment, you’ll be able to approach arduous tasks with more energy and a better outlook.
Breathing in fully through your nose instantly engages the rest and restore parasympathetic nervous system and helps the body metabolize stress hormones. Put Post-it notes on your phone, your computer, and your bathroom mirror. Write BREATHE in beautiful letters that uplift and remind you to breathe fully.
Find a self-care buddy and agree that each of you will hold the other accountable for taking care of herself. Start with my suggestions and add your own ideas. Brag to each other about how well you’re doing and especially how well you are caring for yourself. Plan to call your friend whenever you start to slip into over-care of others.
When someone asks you to do something you don't really want to do, say NO! This is especially important if saying "no" makes you feel guilty or unworthy. In most cases this means you’re letting the needs of others overshadow your own. Only you know how much you can handle without over-committing. Over time, you’ll strengthen your “no” muscle and also attract friends who support your need to set healthy boundaries. Remember, saying “no” to someone else usually means saying “yes” to yourself!
Believe me, no one is going to give it to you, although I know how much you desperately want someone to do so! How well I remember being on call in the hospital watching the nurses give each other breaks. I yearned for one of my colleagues to give me permission to take a break after being up all night. But no one did because the culture of medicine (particularly a surgical specialty) is so macho. Far too many women get sick because it’s the only socially acceptable way to get the self-care they require. I think we can do better, don’t you? Prepare to be called “selfish” when you start taking better care of yourself. And when someone calls you that, celebrate! After all, taking care of yourself is prevention at the most fundamental level.
For many, many years, I have said affirmations every day. They work along with the Law of Attraction and help to change your vibrational output. Because of the Law of Attraction, this vibrational output draws the people and circumstances into your life based on your thoughts and beliefs. They can be used for every area of your life. So if you are about to embark on a new career, if you want to begin to live a healthier lifestyle, or if you want to update or upgrade your relationships, and so forth, I suggest saying affirmations. It’s a subtle but powerful way to receive support from the universe—plus it feels good. And that is the beginning of all positive changes! When you can hold the feeling that an affirmation brings, it will change your point of attraction for the better.
It’s as simple as repeating twice a day into a mirror everyday for 30 days: “I accept myself unconditionally right now”.
Additionally here are some more of my favorite affirmations you might wish to try to encourage new beginnings, happiness, joy, and prosperity.
Christiane Northrup, M.D., is the world’s leading authority in women’s health and wellness. She is a board-certified obstetrician and gynaecologist, sought after speaker, writer, and author of two New York Times bestsellers Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause. She has sold over 3 million books in 20 languages.
Internationally regarded for her empowering approach to women’s health and wellness, Dr. Northrup teaches women how to create health on all levels while simultaneously tuning into their inner wisdom and acknowledging the connection between our thoughts, beliefs, physical health and life circumstances.
Following a 25-year career in both academic medicine and private practice, Dr. Northrup now devotes her time to helping women truly flourish on all levels by tapping into their inner wisdom. She does this through speaking engagements and television appearances, her internet radio show Flourish!
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